That Girl With A Blog

{November 4, 2011}   I Am A Socially Awkward Penguin

“I am the most unladylike, ill-behaved asshole you will ever meet.” – @ACroy412

I couldn’t have said it better, myself. Sometimes, I really think that I need a mental or vocal filter to prevent some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. Whether by phone, in person, or on the internet, I am a MASTER at making myself look like an asshole. I guess all people think terrible things sometimes, but most (I hope) of the general population keeps that to themselves.

Me? Not so much. Sometimes, I wish that I could genuinely be one of those people who really doesn’t give a fuck about what people think, but is anyone REALLY?  And on top of that, I really don’t intent to hurt feelings and whatnot, but my mouth tends to move faster than my brain.

I think the internet has made this 1000x worse for me. All those “hilarious” one liners that pop into my head are instantly on the internet, thanks to sites like Twitter and Facebook. Like yesterday, I made a (what I STILL think is hilarious, and even THAT probably isn’t a socially acceptable thing to say) comment on Facebook saying that every time someone asks if an Onion News story is a joke, god punches a kitten in the face.

Now, I know DAMN WELL that there are some pretty religious people on my Facebook. Did that stop me? Almost. But I went ahead and did it anyway. That one, I can’t even blame on my mouth moving faster than my brain. #1. It was on the internet and #2. I thought about it before I did it and decided to do it anyway! This just leads me to believe that I am actually a horrendous jerk.

And don’t let Zooey Deschanel fool you. Being socially awkward is never “cute”.

Other cases in point:

A few years ago, a co-worker was calling off of work due to a sick child and my dumb ass tells her “this is what happens when you have kids”. Doesn’t that sound HORRIBLE? I meant it in a factual way, though! I was moreso trying to tell her that “Hey, your boss has kids, too. This is what happens and we all know this”. What’s even better about that one, is that apparently she didn’t hear me the first time and asked me to repeat myself, and I did. Now, I don’t know if she actually didn’t hear me, or if she just couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but I apparently thought that it was a socially acceptable thing to say. I distinctly remember that The Husband was sitting next to me at the time and gave me a look that closely resembled this:

What goes around comes around though, because sometime after that, The Husband definitely dropped the F Bomb on his mom on the phone. Touche!

A couple of Halloween parties ago, we had a few people show up a little early, so I was already a little flustered and knowing me on Halloween party day, probably a little drunk. A lot of the time as a farewell, I will say “Have fun” or “Have fun with that” or some other combination of those words. Well, said friends were leaving for a funeral and, with utmost eloquence, I blurt out “Have fun!”. *facepalm* How do you even begin to recover from that? You don’t.

I am awesome at life.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I know that I can’t be the only one here. In an age where most communication is either done via internet or text, it’s easy to forget how to actually interact with people. Instead of agreeing with someone and oh, I don’t know, starting a conversation, we simply hit that “Like” button and move along to whatever else comes along.

Well, at least now I can look back on these and laugh. Maybe someday I’ll develop some social tact, but in the meantime, I think I’ll just continue being an unladylike, ill-behaved asshole.

What’s your worst social faux pas? Make me feel better about all of mine in the comments!

Also, Happy Friday! Have a hilarious video!

“Drinking Out of Cups”

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